Horrifying Discoveries

I’m still not used to being a “girl mom.”  So far they don’t differ much, except Sarah gets her little feelings hurt more easily and cries sooner than the boys did at her age.  Other than that, they’re indistinguishable.

There’s another area where they don’t differ.  One that shocked, nay, stunned me:

From the beginning of their lives the boys have grabbed, yanked, and in general, messed with their…nethers.  I thought they did this because they are boys and boys are gross and do gross things like that.  I figured it was a precursor to burping and scratching, just the infant/toddler version.  I was sure that little girls did not do that sort of thing.  It never even crossed my mind that I might have to redirect a hand or watch my child do something that would make my jaw drop and could get a grown-up arrested were they to do it in public.

Every time that diaper comes off, the hand wanders.  It is horrifying.  Not because it bothers me because I think she is some sort of toddling pervert.  I think it’s probably normal since boys do it too.  I just thought girls were different and classy and demure from birth!  No, it niggles me for another reason:  because I MIGHT HAVE DONE THIS MYSELF.  What if my mom saw me do this?!  I will never be able to look her in the eye again if she saw me grope myself as a 14-month-old.  It’s beyond embarrassing.  And oh my GOSH what if my GRANDMA saw me do this?!  I’m dying, I’m dying…my cheeks are red with potential shame.  The horror of it all.

I feel like I should send my mom a card or some eye-bleach or something.  Or maybe just never, ever mention it again.  Ever.

(this will be the one post she comments on, just watch)

So I’ll be singing the old parent’s hymn of “Get Your Hand Out of Your Pants” to all three, I suppose.  I figured it would retire after the Rhyster.  Oh my naive suppositions.