And Then I Finally Voted

This is not a post about politics, so keep reading.

Wednesday we went to check out Rhys’ preschool.  I was terrified we wouldn’t make it because he’d pitch such a fit we’d miss our 8:15 appointment but by some miracle, he was happy and pleasant and agreed to go.  I told him we were just looking and I’d get him a Bojangles biscuit afterwards.  He is so like me, I know it was the food that did it.

After looking around and meeting the teacher, he seemed like he was interested.  Unbelievable!!  So I got the enrollment package from the office and we all piled back into the car and got our Bojangles.  Both boys got a big orange juice, and a BoBerry biscuit.  Sarah and I were going to “split” a chicken biscuit.  Meaning I’d give her something decent and I’d eat the chicken biscuit, but give her little nibbles.

Before we headed home, I stopped by City Hall to do early voting.  There was NO WAY I was standing in line to vote on election day and there weren’t many cars in the parking lot so I figured it would be an easy in and out.  When I got out, one of the candidates came up to the car and started talking to me.  He was a nice man and Dave had met him on Monday morning.  He’s running as an independent so I didn’t really know where he stood on issues, but I was pretty certain.  I just wanted to make sure before I cast my vote.  I managed to get a judge to admit he did not legislate from the bench (good) but he was proud that he sent people to jail for wearing baggy pants (is this a good use of tax dollars?).  I mean, I hate baggy pants as much as the next person but really, jail?  How about hand out belts and then issue a fine for them, the proceeds going towards Social Services or something worthwhile?

While I was chatting it up, I heard Henry say he had to pee.  I figured we were heading into the building soon so I didn’t think much about it and someone’s always claiming they have to pee and frankly, I think they say it half the time just to have something to say.  Taking all that into consideration, I didn’t think it was a big deal.

Before I go on, a little backstory:  a few months ago, we went to pick up groceries at Harris Teeter and Rhys HAD to pee.  Everyone had on pajamas (except for me) and no one had on shoes (except for me) so we couldn’t go in the store.  Luckily I happened to have an empty Gatorade bottle left over from a soccer game in the van, and Rhys played “fill ‘er up” in the HT parking lot.  A week later, we went to Chick-fil-A on that tempestuous, controversial “support Chick-fil-A Day” and AGAIN Rhys announced he had to pee and absolutely could not hold it.  Once again, no one had shoes on.  Why do I let them get in the car without shoes on?!  I am an idiot.  So I had to ask the CFA girl for an extra cup, which I am sure was interpreted as “I am trying to be an agitator and ask for something free and take advantage of you on this day when people are going through and ordering waters and video taping it and making sales girls cry when in reality it’s just for my 4-year-old to pee in, thank you!”  And then he peed in it.

After my dad’s funeral, we were at the house and he had an unused portable male urinal like they have in hospitals.  ”A HA!”  Exactly what we need in the van!  So my mom let me take it, because she doesn’t have the equipment necessary to put it to use.

The urinal had never been used, though it came close once.  Henry’s class at CC is learning prepositions and his tutor wanted them to bring stuffed animals in to physically demonstrate the prepositions (above, below, beneath, beyond, etc) to gain a better understanding and help them remember all the different words.  We got to CC one week and I frantically realized Henry had no stuffed animal.  Frazzled and apparently out of my gourd, as we were scrambling out of the van to get into the assembly I suggested to Henry that he take the urinal in lieu of his stuffed animal.  The look he gave me left no room for arguing and he was right, it was a ridiculous idea.

But back to voting and City Hall:  I was talking to one of the candidates and the kids were still in the van, all the doors open, including the back liftgate.  I thought they were eating their biscuits when this was not the case.  As the independent candidate for County Commissioner was telling me he’d been attending the baptist church down the street from our house for 30-some odd years, Henry popped up from the back seat, urinal held aloft like the olympic torch and said “Nevermind!  I used THIS!”

OH.  MY.  WORD.

“Out of the car, get out of the car!  I’m getting Sarah, let’s go in now!”

Shuffling commences.

“RHYS SPILLED THE PEE!”

OH.  MY.  WORD.

Someone’s travel blanket took one for the team and was used to soak up the urine that spilled on the backseat and dribbled down through the seat into the back trunk space.  The poor man running for commissioner just stood there, watching this freak show, dropping bon mots about me having my hands full.  Yes, that’s a nice way to put it, I suppose.

I talked to several other folks, I voted for two of the three others.  One played the blame game which I cannot – CANNOT – stand and bad-mouthed his opponent instead of telling me what HE’D continue to do as (fill-in-the-blank).  Hhhrumph.  Rubs me the wrong way.  Anyway, voting was easy, no one was in line, no one peed on anything and we were in and out.  AND Henry didn’t scream out who I voted for like I was afraid he would.  Whew!

When we got home I grabbed the folder from the preschool so I could fill out the paperwork.  That’s when I noticed it was yellow.  I’m hoping they have these forms on their website so I don’t have to call and say “Yes, this is Rhys’ mom.  Henry peed on Rhys’ forms…”

Never a dull moment.  Never.